Doors

It’s January 14, 2023. For 14 long days, I haven’t been able to get out of bed because the pain is too great. Staring at the four walls in my bedroom, taking all my meals in bed, and trying not to move a muscle for fear of setting off the pain. Trapped.

Paul rented a wheelchair for me. “A wheelchair,” I think as I try to wrap my head around that concept. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined having to use a wheelchair, but I wanted to escape these four walls, so I stuffed my pride deep down inside me and agreed to use the wheelchair.

“Where do you want to go?” Paul sweetly asked.

Somewhere far away that I have never been too, and where no one will know me or recognize me I thought. “The Dallas Farmers Market,” I replied.

It was settled. The next day we were going to venture out to The Dallas Farmers Market, and I would be using the wheelchair. There was a stall that I was excited to try out. It had fresh British pastries. I have a bit of a confession. Before I was disabled with CRPS, I had never really noticed how well places were laid out from a disabled person’s perspective. Oh, how my eyes have been opened.

Before CRPS, I will shamefully admit that I was annoyed at all the handicapped parking one finds in front of establishments. Now, I pray that we can find one. On the following day the 15th, we were able to find a handicapped parking spot. My stomach did a deep dive as I got out of the car and sat in the wheelchair out in public for the first time. As Paul rolled me down the ramp, it felt like everyone’s eyes were looking at me.

In reality, I think most people that we encountered that day were mostly annoyed. They cut in front of me, and I would almost run into them. They would zoom around us, heads buried in their phones. I realized that I was an inconvenience that slowed people down and possibly got in their way. The worst was when Paul rolled me up to the British pastry stall. The owner didn’t even look at me, or address me as if I couldn’t talk. She only spoke with Paul. When I spoke up and asked some questions, she stepped back with a shocked look on her face. She still never made eye contact, but she rattled off the answers to my questions lightning fast and moved on to her next customer. There was another younger woman working the stall that kindly talked to me, answered all my questions, and who I finally bought a few things from.

After we wondered through the outside stalls for a bit, we decided that we wanted to go inside and find something to eat. This was our first encounter with a door using a wheelchair.

Doors … Oh My! I have walked through them thousands of times without ever thinking about them. Maybe only if I pulled a door when I was supposed to push would a door give me pause before I went through it.

The first obstacle was keeping the door open while Paul rolled me through it. The wheelchair I have is a transport wheelchair, so it is difficult to operate on my own, it is really design for another person to push it and transport you from point A to point B. Paul had to figure out how to hold the door open and then push me through it at the same time.

The second obstacle was getting over the threshold of the door. First, Paul just tried to push me over it and quickly realized that wouldn’t work. Next, he had to turn us both around, hold the door with his back side, and pull me backwards over the threshold and through the door. Oh, and did I mention that people were getting annoyed that we were having such a difficult time getting through the door.

Finally, we made it through the door, but I was so embarrassed. Luckily, I have the most amazing husband who wasn’t the least bit embarrassed and thought our getting through the door was an adventure! There were so many people, and I just wanted to find a table where Paul could park me in the wheelchair, and then he and Joshua could go find something to eat! We lucked out and found a table quickly. “Safe,” I thought to myself. Joshua stayed with me and Paul got us something to eat. We all ate lunch and then we were ready to make the long journey back to Celina, But first we all needed to go to the restroom.

Doors… Oh My! The restroom inside The Dallas Farmers Market is NOT wheelchair friendly. It’s just not. It’s like a maze to get inside where the stalls are with sharp turns and a very narrow hallway. I got stuck. I know. It was humiliating. But, there was a young woman who came to my rescue. She handed me her drink to hold and she said, “Hold on we got this!” She also spoke Spanish and spoke to the ladies that were cleaning the restrooms because the only handicapped accessible restroom was locked with a sign on it saying it was broken. She got the ladies to open the Door to the stall, and I was able to use the restroom. She then rolled me back out of the restroom! WOW!!! I thanked her profusely and she was so sweet and told me that she was happy to help. I don’t know what I would have done if that young woman hadn’t helped me! I’m so thankful.

My experience with Doors has taught me humility. It has reminded me of the gospel and how I can do none of it on my own. Only by God’s grace am I saved through faith in Jesus Christ. Faith that Jesus died for my sins and God raised Him to life on the third day. I can do nothing to earn my salvation or keep my salvation. It is all God. Just like when I am in my wheelchair and can’t get through Doors alone. It is only in Christ Alone!

And that gives me Hope! I have hope that God always provides. He has provided me with a loving husband who is loving, kind, and takes care of me. He provides me with people who help me when I need help or pray for me when I am having a really hard day full of pain. God is with me. He is faithful. He gets me through. My life might not be how I had envisioned it. But it is beautiful.

Quote of the Day

“The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.” – Dutch Proverb

Current Bible Study

The Attributes of God by Kristin Schmucker

You can find the study here @thedailygraceco.

Current Free Online Seminary Course

I am currently taking a free online seminary course at Dallas Theological Seminary about the Names and Attributes of God. It is completely free and there is no homework. It pairs really well with my Attributes of God Bible Study that I am also doing. You can enroll here. If you enroll, please let me know. I would love to form an online discussion group about the Attributes of God.

Favorite Hymn This Week

“In Christ Alone” by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend

Listen to it here.