The Question!?!…

I am sitting in a pew in the very back of the church hoping and praying nobody notices me. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen. A beautiful young woman in the church comes right up to me with a beautiful smile across her face. I shrink back into my seat hoping the pew will swallow me whole and maybe she will just pass me by. She opens her mouth, and I start sweating. She asks me the question I have been dreading. The question that keeps me at home. The question that I don’t know how to answer.

“How are you doing?”

My mouth goes dry, my palms start sweating, and I honestly don’t remember exactly what I say to her. I think I say something like, “That is a loaded question…” or something else that I am sure sounded stupid at the time. The beautiful woman was very sweet and said she was praying for me. I immediately hated how I had answered the question. I wished I had just told her I was good. I worried that she thought I was rude. I wished that I had just stayed home.

I honestly don’t know how to answer that question.

I am an honest, genuine person. When I worked as a public school teacher for 13 years, it got me in trouble so many times because I am not good at lying or being fake, and I am defiantly not good at school politics. Anyways I digress. Since my nerve injury I am in constant pain. On the scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst pain that you have ever experienced in your life. I am constantly at a level 6. That’s were I live. It isn’t good. It’s a struggle everyday. And often times I am at a level 8 and even 10. Sometimes it’s unbearable. How do I tell someone this?

I recognize that most people ask this question and don’t really want to know how you are really doing. They are just being polite. But, for someone who is a genuine person, I would like to give a genuine answer. So, I have decided that I would answer the question with, “Today is a good day.” Because God has shown me in Lamentations 3:22-24 that every morning that I awake is a new mercy from God and that He is faithful, and His love never fails, and I will put my hope in Him. So if I am able to be out in public it is a good day.

Know that behind that answer I am fighting. I am fighting to walk. Fighting to stand. Maybe I can’t walk or stand that day, and I am having to use my wheelchair. I know people will stare at me, and I will feel like a freak in my wheelchair, but I am fighting that anxiety to go out into the world and answer that question! I feel safe at home where no one asks me, “How are you?” or “Are you so much better?” or “Why are you in a wheelchair?” or “Why are you using a walker or cane?” or where no one stares at me like I am a freak. I have real social anxiety now. Therefore, I have just been staying at home where I feel safe. It is so hard adjusting to my new life with chronic pain. CRPS has changed my life. But I know God is good and has a reason. Because Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, I live with Hope!

Quote of the Day

“We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

Book I’m Reading

Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus – A Devout Muslim Encounters Christianity by Nabeel Qureshi

You can buy the book here on Amazon.

My Favorite Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

I love a good chocolate chip cookie, so I am always looking for a great chocolate chip cookie recipe. This one by Joy Food Sunshine is my favorite right now. Check it out and let me know what you think!